21st Century Space Faerie Tales

Andrew Hennessey’s Close Encounters

of the Malevolent Kind in 2003

These are basically modern faerie tales couched in the language and culture of their day

and as far as I'm concerned - they were very real for me ...  I do have some photos and things to back some of this up - but its basically the faeries in 'silver space suits' .

These are excerpts from my encounter stories 'The Turning of the Tide' free ebook on the net

http://www.andrewhennessey.co.uk/turningv6.pdf

THE IMPERIAL PRINCESS

Having been involved in the amazing ET contact scenario in

Kirkcaldy, Fife, Scotland at the millennium where a group of

worthies were filming and photographing materialisations, low

flying small spaceships and one or two enormous big ships over

the estuary of the river Forth near Gullane, Edinburgh, there

had been considerable international interest in the reports

generated by the footage.

This despite the fact that those who decided what the news was

didn't think this film that looked like an excerpt from Star wars

merited any attention.

To quote former Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher .. 'You can't

tell the people .. !'

One big two mile long elliptical ship had been filmed static in

the air for two hours. It had three circular big boosters at its rear

end that looked like blue white car headlights, whilst out of its

many decks over the two hour period, swarms of little glowing

pod ships came like a cloud of midges rising and falling in

clouds in the clear night sky as they then flew off in little

glowing armadas over the area known as Goblin Halls near

Gifford.

Having shown the excerpts from the two-hour footage at

Glenrothes MIMAC 'Rushes' event at the Rothes Halls, there

was interest from a Tour company in the United States.

The lady was an expert in the Strange and regularly took tours

to exotic destinations such as; Hawaii, Tonga, Australia,

Switzerland, Mexico, Peru and Brazil.

Kirkcaldy therefore was not exactly a luxury destination, but

there are wonderful fish and chip shops in Kirkcaldy that give

you two pieces of haddock with your chips and Irn Bru.

I got the email from Atlantis Expeditions saying that Rosie was

coming over to check out this group in Kirkcaldy and that she

was bringing a friend.

Being at the millennium, it was possible that this contact

collective had something important to say, having filmed some

strange looking glowing being that appeared to be pointing a

device or glowing rod in their back garden.

Maybe Captain Zarkon and his First Officer had something to

say ?

I met Rosie and her friend at South Queensferry railway station

in the middle of the summer of 2000AD and we then went to the

little hotel adjacent to the ferry under the famous Forth railway

bridge.

It was one of those lovely days with blue sky, white fluffy

clouds, beautiful looking bridge architecture with its red

geometric girders, the scent of the sea and the sound of the

herring gulls as they swooped searching for seafood in the

retreating tide.

I was pleased that the setting was so picturesque.

We got a table at the back of the long bar and started to discuss

our strange agenda and its tourist logistics and the ins and outs

of people being followed around by strange lights in the sky that

would fly around their rooftops, buzz their cars and materialise

inside and outside their houses.

The three of us were engaged in working out the agenda for the

Kirkcaldy visit and a quick tour of Edinburgh town centre and

the grey alien 13th Century stone head in St Giles Cathedral

when suddenly, I look up, and see this small lady about five foot

two enter the lounge at the far end of the bar.

She starts slowly walking up the back of the long lounge to us,

passing the bar, not stopping to order, not seeing in any sign or

room feature where we were sitting any opportunity to enter the

ladies room. It was just us up the back of a long room - there

were no other doors or exits.

She looked late fiftyish and had an embroidered woollen jersey

and long black skirt and appeared to be carrying a little blonde

haired rag doll.

She walked straight up to us and introduced herself as Lydia.

When she heard the accents of Rosie and her friend, she said

that she was a gypsy and knew of some very strange local

things.

Realising that this was obviously not any kind of co-incidence

and therefore had to be directly connected with what I was

doing in Fife and with my clients, I told Lydia about the strange

lights in the sky in Fife.

At this she said that she too was followed about by lights, and

that these were ships that followed her about everywhere no

matter where she went. They were her people.

We were just wondering therefore what the significance of the

blonde haired rag dolly was when she held it at various heights

and lengths from her body and said that her Mother sends her

everywhere; up here, over here, down there.

At that Rosie, who comes from a strong American military

tradition having flown into Scotland on an American Military

Transport on the 'Air America' ticket offered to military, exmilitary

and Intel families, decided to take some photographs.

Lydia then produced a Christmas card with an Angel on it

guiding the three wise men and put her arm around me in a very

reassuring manner and we posed for our official interstellar

contact photo.

I got Lydia's phone number and told her that we would love her

to come around to a group meeting in Edinburgh.

Then she smiled at us and left the hotel.

We then arranged to meet at the house of McWoolly with some

other invited people from my research group to see if we could

get Lydia's spaceships on film at night.

I realised that what she had to say was very important indeed

and we convened the next night in Edinburgh.

Lydia came along and thanked us with a blessing in the

Catholic tradition, then took us outside.

We waited, and then, through the low clouds that obscured

most of the sky, came a bright UFO and it hung there under the

clouds glowing through the water vapour.

Next came a second and then a third.

At that point it could not be argued that Lydia would not

produce ships when required.

There was positive proof therefore that Lydia was an important

person of some sort that need not necessarily be from around

here.

This was done in front of Rosie and other witnesses.

This had to be real progress for Mankind.

The next day I met up with Rosie again and took her and her

friend to Kirkcaldy in Fife to meet with the Lloyd contact group.

I had been giving them a hand by setting up conferences and

news exposure and by doing other research into Religious

Organisations and other publicity etc

Their main contention was that they had evidence that the

Prophet Elijah had returned to see that everything was good

before Aliens rebuilt the Temple in Scotland.

In several of the New Testament Gospels though, Christ is

clearly quoted as having said that Elijah had already been and

gone. [Matthew 17:1two] For the Christian Church therefore and

all Christians, Elijah had already returned a second time and

had been John the Baptist.

They had a photo of a being with something that looked like a

hand held device and they said that this was Elijah.

They also stated that anyone who disagreed with that might

well come to some real physical harm for being unGodly.

Rosie met the guys and listened to the reality and saw the

amazing images then took some more photos and shortly after

that headed out of Scotland on a military transport that she

boarded near Glasgow. She shared the trip with a Delta team

on its way back from a mission further east than the ancient

Kingdom of Fife.

I started seeing Lydia quite frequently after that without any

pre-arrangements she would be there co-incidentally in the

supermarket, or on the street near where I stayed.

I had been playing fiddle for Scottish dancing one night at

Dalhousie Castle along with the resident band there and at half

time as we were eating our sausage rolls, I noticed through the

long castle windows that strange small pearly glowing lights

were flying across the car park.

Dalhousie Castle does have a resident spook, perhaps a

chambermaid that is said to have perished in an unhappy

manner, but this phenomenon was sweeping down from the

sky.

After the gig, I got into my Volkswagen van and drove round

the Edinburgh ring road out to the Forth road bridge.

Before I arrived at the tollbooths I took the Services slip road up

to the garage, thinking to get a packet of biscuits and milk for

my nighttime cuppa.

It was a clear, mild summers night and the whole area was quiet

and free of cars and transport. It was about two am.

There wasn't much traffic on the nearby Forth Bridge either.

I pulled in and parked up, getting out my van to stretch my legs.

As I did so another car comes rolling into the garage and slowly

pulls up alongside my van.

It was Lydia.

She said hello and asked me what I'd been up to ... and I told

her that I had been playing a ceilidh dance at Dalhousie Castle.

She then said that she had composed some tunes that she

wanted me to listen to ... and she produced a tape recorder and

played what sounded like stately marches and processional

music.

She said that she was a princess from a big Interstellar Empire

and can remember those lives she had there from long ago.

She then produced a photograph of herself in a dark textured

dress standing beside a tall lady who appeared to be wearing an

archaic or gothic style taffeta, white satin evening dress with

formally dressed black hair.

Her mother seemed a strong willed and feisty lady with a sense

of humour and an eye for power dressing.

Lydia then said that she would like to take me to introduce me

to her Mother at some point.

Her mother therefore being the Empress of an Interstellar

Empire.

Lydia asked me what I thought of her tunes and I remember

thinking that these themes and melodies could sound really

good if they were arranged properly.

She then got out the car and came over to me, looking around to

see if we were unobserved and the area was quiet except for us ..

then she said watch .. and she stepped outside of her material

body to reveal a shining and loving being with a real sense of

humour who looked me in the eyes and smiled into my mind.

She had obviously been around the Universe.

She bid me goodnight and drove off, though I'm not sure if I

could hear her car accelerate up the slip road.

INTERSTELLAR CONTRACT HIT

In 1996AD in Leith, Edinburgh, I was recuperating late from a

Scottish music gig the previous night when at about eleven O'

clock in the morning a small slim alien wearing of all bizarre

things an evening dress materialises in my bedroom.

She is about five feet seven, emanates great age and is wearing

an evening gown with long evening gloves and a string of

pearls.

At this point, your guess is as good as mine.

I almost jumped out of my skin when I saw this.

She walks over to the side of my bed and stands there looking

down at me. She explains that she is from an Imperial court and

that she wants to teach me about their Royal etiquette.

She next asks if I thought she was comely ... and I look her in

her strange almond shaped humanesque eyes.

I could hear my guardian Angel shout out 'No !!' and then next

there is a flash of white light as a standard zeta reticulan capture

device discharges in its attempt to transport me.

I next feel like I am floating with everything totally white

around me, there being absolutely no visible landmarks in this

white zone. Still fully conscious I next could see four Men who

were not very pleased at the attempted abduction.

Not knowing exactly where I was, I asked them if it was all over

for me and they just said 'no .. its ok, we're going to return you.'

My guardian or indeed a team of Angels had headed this one off

at the pass.

Obviously the regal stuff was some sort of confidence trick to

gain my attention and empathy, but what was this all about I

wondered ...

I was being protected by some no nonsense Angels.

Thankfully whoever had supplied the technology to this being

had been unable to prevail with it.

The next time I saw this lady she was wearing normal looking

clothes looking more human but with the same head-shape and

had a similar pearl necklace on and she smiled at me.

Who was this person I began thinking .. and if I'm not mistaken

that would be the third time in four weeks I had seen her locally

either smiling at me from a passing car or waiting for me at the

Mall.

She could teleport herself and appeared to have access to

resources and equipment and how could she be certain that the

regal type confidence trick was going to get past my obvious

guardians.

What was that about and why would regal things really go for

my ego.

Was she operating solo and indeed was I being tagged and

targeted by invisible interstellar technologies and beings.

The human eyesight and cognition can only do so much in

these circumstances.

Where I was staying in Fife, the television reception was bad

and tended to not deliver any meaningful pictures to the license

payers.

Indeed the place was a known black hole for terrestrial TV.

I had put the teletext news service on to pick up the headlines

but could make out nothing meaningful in the jumble of letters

except 'Be Good', which had been the little ET's advice to the

child hero in the Spielberg film ET.

Deciding that I needed some control of the situation, and not

letting my psychology be driven and hence controlled by alien

BS, I put on my star wars DVD, and having heard the dialog

before put on some music to play along with it, just letting the

images run. To my surprise it seemed that the dynamics of the

movements in the film were somehow synchronising to the

music.

My music was upbeat pop and the movements of the characters

in the movie seemed to jerk along to the beat.

Realising that this kind of stuff is totally impossible to prove

after the fact or even before it - certainly without careful

scientific measurements and timing - I changed the CD and

put on a classical music track behind the same tract of film.

This time to my horror things seemed to get a bit more slow

and smooth and twirly.

Cannot be .. said my rational mind, starting to object.

Lets see if there is some stuff in my house interfering with the

laws of physics and motion.

I had a coffee table and decided to try out the laws of gravity. I

held a small hard plastic ball over it and let go. The expected

effect was one bounce not so high as the original drop height,

then a succession of quicker and progressively shorter and

hence more rapid bounces diminishing the balls energy to a

stop.

That was exactly what happened.

I did it again and I could hear the first bounce, but the second

one didn't happen .. not for a disconcertingly rather long time

... the ball had been held up .. postponed .. delayed.

But by whom or what.

I reckoned that with my television set and HiFi not cooperating

that I had better switch them off and try to sit down

on my couch and take stock of what seemed to be happening.

It was getting dark and tonight was actually Halloween, which

in Scotland is traditionally a time for unhappy things in the

great outdoors.

Witches, Ghosts and Aliens no doubt were all over the place and

knowing my track record for these kind of encounters even

when I'm not looking for them, I intended to stay in tonight and

get some peace and quiet.

I made my supper and sat down to look at a magazine, looking

up suddenly to see a fairly dark monotonic hologram of Princes

Street, Edinburgh's main street, in the glass display cabinet.

I don't do any substances and hadn't been slipped any so

whatever I was looking at was being provided on top of my

beans on toast.

I sat there looking at this brown grey hologram of some guy in a

long raincoat being shunned and socially abused by classier

looking people on Princes street in Edinburgh.

One often doesn't need alien vision equipment to see that.

A rather disconcerting sight, I get up from my couch deciding

that the UK television standards agency Ofcom needed to be

informed about this illegal and pirate TV station that was

putting out programmes without adequate sound and then

broadcasting them straight into my glass cabinet.

I rather thought that I should go on the Internet and went over

to my machine, but as I looked into the dark powered down

monitor, I could see some movement behind the glass.

Not certain what I was looking at I stood back and then could

clearly see a little women in white, identical to the interstellar

secret agent lady who had previously tried to abduct me and she

was waving at me.

This was not on .. in more ways than one.

I blinked and rubbed my eyes .. but then she brought her face

closer to the glass and as it got bigger and more obvious I

stepped back.

As I did so ... other little specks of light started to fly out of the

black glass front of the monitor.

More and more quickly came into the room through the

monitor that was being used by this being like some sort of

portal.

I could see that there were lights and objects swirling about in

my room and that the objects looked rather like triangular

wedges, like they were little manta rays.

I realised that I was in deep sh*t so I prayed to my guardian

and felt that things were ok and that I was not to panic.

The big swarm of strange flying wedges circled and chaotically

circled around the room and passed upstairs through the ceiling

and I went up the stairs to see what it was up to. It then formed

itself into a formation, getting smaller and smaller and flew into

my landscape painting of mars like they were a flock of happy

migrating geese under control.

I was relieved to see the flock of horrid stuff go because I had

the idea that these things can get into humans if we get

unlucky.

It was possible that I had been exposed to some sort of parasite

hosting attack by this strange being who appeared to be out to

get me.

Was she some sort of interstellar hit lady and in fact, were there

others on the case too ? and why ?

I went outside after that to get some fresh air. It was a dark

Halloween night and the rows of houses were sparsely lit.

I looked up the hill to the top of the allegedly abandoned

underground base where I had seen a UFO offload a few weeks

ago and wondered what else was going on around here at night.

My eyes looked up to the sky to try to pick out the moon and

stars and some movement caught my attention on a rooftop

opposite.

There was a stocky semi-transparent alien running across the

roof in a loping gait.

It was about five feet tall and seemed thickly built or somehow

suited.

Next thing there is a flash of orange and the thing is gone.

I started to wonder whether or not I was going to get out of this

nest of nonsense intact. I certainly don't think having one of

Captain Kirk's best phasers would have helped, as these things

could become impossibly small, fast and difficult for the human

faculties to track.

I don't think any human nervous system could successfully

wage war on these processes, however specially trained and

equipped.

Worse still, the local police, who played for laughs were wearing

Star Trek Federation badges and not necessarily any lapel

numbers.

I was hoping to Klingon here for as long as possible.

My local Chinese takeaway was called the Wok In .. which no

doubt served up the very best cuisine for miles around to the

Naval personnel at both the surface and underground military

base and training academy.

As long as no-one 'walked in' to my being and abducted me,

things would be ok.

The next morning after I peacefully slept in the Angelic arms of

my guardian, I powered up my camera and started taking some

pictures, especially of the room downstairs.

Sure enough there were still a couple of the little wedge-shaped

parasites swimming about amongst the more usual astral

plankton and I managed to get some images of this entity.

There had though been many more last night.

In Scotland it is traditional to have sea food served up with

chipped potatoes, so if anyone wants to know what they would

be having with their chips if they went to Rosyth take a look at

the photo section in this book.

In the morning, there was a circular blister about two inches in

diameter in the paintwork on my front door.

Some alien had managed to fire one off in my general direction.

To me there was some significant stuff happening locally at the

alleged deep level base. I could see the UFO traffic.

On top of this though, long before I had ever come to this

locality, this luminous white haired spindly being had been

trying to do some bad stuff to me.

Trying to abduct me for and on behalf of the Zeta's.

Whoever had hired her though no doubt expected results and no

doubt she would be requesting bigger and better equipment

and no doubt would be trying harder to get close in the future.

The next time I saw her, she or someone looking almost

identical and much more human was on the streets of

Edinburgh one minute and when I looked away and looked

back, she was gone.

She has been on my tail for at least ten years and was letting me

know that she's still around.

Maybe the Zeta's will have found somebody better in the

galactic yellow pages by now ... I doubt that my Guardian

Angel is worried though.

24. PHASERS ON STUN ??

The lights of the city of Edinburgh glimmered and glinted over

the river estuary called the Firth of Forth.

It was a still, calm night.

At Cruicks point, there is a famous scrap metal yard called

Dalton's on land historically donated by Papal Bull from the

Pope.

There is also a quarry.

Beyond the mountains of rusting desolation lay the sea and the

glimmering lights of Edinburgh.

The sky above though was very disturbing.

Directly above where I stood on the little peninsula was a

glowing green canopy of light .. its crown directly and centrally

overhead whilst the flanks of this tent billowed with variegated

green veins and sheets.

It was like the aurora borealis only it was all green and it was

directly overhead.

There is a song in Scotland called 'The Northern Lights of old

Aberdeen' but this was not Aberdeen and wasn't that far north.

I now know that this stuff has chased a witness in Gorebridge,

Midlothian up the street !! But I didn't know that then.

Well I seemed to be in the ring of a strange circus tent, but who

was the ringmaster ??

He's behind you ... well that's how this pantomime goes

doesn't it.

I look behind me and note that standing behind the bushes is

an alien about five feet eight tall. Humanoid head, light

coloured skin, stockily built, dark eye coverings and wearing a

black tunic with shoulder epaulettes.

In front of him was a rectangular black metallic object that

looked like a smaller version of the famous 2001 monolith. It

was about three feet tall by two feet wide.

It seemed perfectly black although it was bathed in the same

green light as the humanoid and the rest of this area.

I looked up again at the sky, which was very active and green

and it seemed to be circling around me.

My inner guidance suggested that I should ignore this guy and

he became invisible and I proceeded unharmed and in good

time.

I had formed the notion that these black monoliths, originally in

Arthur C Clarke's short story 'the sentinel' which was then made

into 2001 and its sequel 2010 were somehow part of a cyborg

civilisation and that like the movie 'Transformers' they can

mutate our domestic technologies.

I wasn't really sure if that story could ever be checked out unless

we could find a working example of one.

It may be that these letterbox shaped monoliths could be as

massive as planets and could upload and strip anything and

everything they come across. But this was just a notion.

The thought of my toaster collaborating with the enemy and

flying upwards to rendezvous secretly with a cyborg vampire

technology was destined hopefully to remain science fiction.

Another day during the afternoon in the same area there was an

attempt by some ET's to lift me in broad daylight.

It was at the old Inverkeithing quarry dockyard.

I had just been having a look around that area when I noticed

across the old workings and rusted corrugated iron sheets, grass

and bushes and swathes of concrete that a young man on a

mobile phone was over one hundred yards away.

He was walking in a beeline straight towards me.

There was no common path that we were sharing, we were in no

way connected and as he approached I could see a small, slim

man in his late twenties or early thirties, black hair, middle class

clothing such as expensive fleece which appeared to change

colour in the light.

He was on his phone and he just kept walking directly at me on

a collision course and if he continued beyond where I stood, he

would be in the water over the old dockside.

The only landmark he could be navigating towards over here, in

this area was me.

I watched him approach and as he came into hearing range I

could hear that he was engaged in a dialogue with some other

party and that the content of his conversation mirrored the

descriptions that I was feeling about the quality of the day.

The sky was blue, the sea looks good, there are gulls in the air,

nice day etc in fact I couldn't have said it better myself.

It was as if he was reading my surface thoughts and sending the

triangulation data about my reality to some strange person

somewhere.

He walked right up to me and stood face to face with me one

foot from my chest. He stopped and then said ... 'Now !!'

Then the whole area around me for one fifty yards radius

became blanched in white as if it had been hit by some sort of

high energy area effects weapon.

A local abductee suggested that they tried a time stop and

attempted to lift me out of this reality but I know that I was with

my Guardian Angel at all times and that I was safe.

I spoke to the guy to ask him what he was doing and he made

some excuse and left, turning around to head back to the path.

Just after that the next night, there was another area effects

white out near Inverkeithing but this time no alien hero was

visible.

I just remember telling them - whoever them was to f*** off !!

The local supermarket was a 24-hour Tesco and it was just after

one of my Scottish music ceilidh dances at Dalhousie castle that

I decided that being out of provisions I should go and get some

basics.

It was 2am and I headed in at the end of my night shift to buy

my groceries.

The mart was huge and pretty much empty of people, just a few

personnel on duty and hardly anyone in shopping.

There were aisles of magazines that I had to walk through to get

to dairy and my bottle of milk.

There was a strange guy, about six foot three, dark hair and

fairly well dressed looking and behaving suspiciously as I

approached.

Maybe he was a pervert - after all they had some basic glossy

magazines in this family store from which some of that kind of

data could be gleaned ...

He turned round and he was in the middle of a mobile phone

call, then he stood in front of me and pointed his mobile at me

like it was a phaser from Star Trek, then there was a soft white

flash and area effect, not unlike the same effect that I had seen

at Inverkeithing dock.

This was not the brilliant flash of flash photography which is a

brief and very bright pulse ... this was more pervasive, dimmer

and tended to whiten everything as opposed to brighten up the

inherent colours it lit on.

I was amazed, some alien had just blasted me in Tesco ...

amongst the Mars Bars and Milky Way confections I looked

around for a witness but no-one there.

They never dragged me away to some alternate reality though.

He didn't seem too pleased about that.

I had seen that white glow of light before that too when I stayed

in a condominium in Leith, Edinburgh in 1996.

A tall and thin looking humanoid in of all things an evening

dress and pearls and long white evening gloves on her arms

materialised in my flat.

She was some sort of grey hybrid and she asked me if I thought

she looked comely. Things went white like that then but my

Guardian Angel said 'No' in a commanding voice and she just

disappeared.

She had alleged that she was from some sort of Royal Court, but

if my Guardian Angel says No, then it's No ... definitely.

I guess though that they don't stop trying.

Part of my exercise routine apart from my new diet was to

occasionally walk into Edinburgh and back to Fife.

It was possible maybe once a week or fortnight for me to do that

without tiring myself too much with my other activities.

There was something about that walk that really irritated me

though and that was those car headlights that used very bright

halogen headlamps.

These tended to hurt my eyes for some reason.

I decided to try an experiment just for the fun of it and one

evening went out equipped with a pair of Polaroid sunglasses.

The results when used went much as expected ... everything

seemed very dark indeed ... those halogen headlights had been

finally mastered by the polarising properties of my shades which

could screen out the frequencies of the sun.

Next up a car went by and my eyes got white flashed through

the Polaroid's that somehow the greys had got the frequency of

my nervous system and had fired some white stuff at me.

As I could still see the car that was doing that and the other cars

that it was driving amongst I felt safe enough to recognise that I

was safe.

For some reason or other some sort of interstellar assailants

were out to get me.

Shortly after that enroute to some afternoon shopping in

Dunfermline, I saw or rather half saw two small ghostly

humanoid aliens in silver suits about four and a half feet tall

with some sort of sci-fi cannon on a tripod.

The gun looked about three or four feet long and the tripod put

it at about three feet.

I was just thinking that maybe some little old lady that stayed in

that Bungalow would be objecting to these intruders trampling

their kit all over her border flowers.

The garden was raised above the wall such that the barrel of the

cannon was actually pointing down at me at head height.

I just thought that maybe I should be staying off the green

cheese.

Then suddenly a bright orange jet burst forth directly at me and

to my surprise and amazement it was as if I was standing in a

Perspex cubicle and I could see the orange light splash

harmless around the outside of my protective box.

So what was the script here I was thinking ... obviously I was

being protected by good loving people from space invaders.

This was a war of powers and principalities, a war of light

against dark.

I had been contracted to supply Scottish fiddle music to a

famous society dance band in Edinburgh and I was to form part

of a four-piece line up that included drums, and two accordions.

These guys were excellent and it was a prestigious event at an

excellent venue in central Edinburgh.

As is my custom, I arrived well dressed, early and prepared and

somewhat close to the central hotel was St Andrew Square

where I could waste a few minutes before the gig looking at the

flowers in the garden and taking a seat in the summers early

evening.

I strolled along the pavement with my fiddle case and my flight

case with my kit in it and saw two three seat benches side by

side.

There were rows of parked cars and SUV's.

On one bench there were three small women, two of them were

older in their late fifties, one in her forties.

I intended to sit down on the vacant bench.

As I walked past a Range Rover that had some sort of Army

sticker in the window to do with a naval academy its horn went

off.

It was an unbearably loud horn, a very very intense horn, a very

painful prolonged rupturing horn.

The three ladies on the bench sat there unmoving and

unreacting and made no attempt to cover their ears.

I was at a disadvantage because my hands were full.

My head swam as I went off to play my music, and I set up my

kit as usual, having introduced myself to the team.

We set up the public address system and got settled in.

The moment that I started to play my violin though I was in

complete agony.

I could not bear to play my violin for six months after that.

My life and my eardrums were in total tatters.

I had to cancel engagements.

I still had no idea what drew me to that specific locality though

.. it seemed an inhuman co-incidence that I ended up there

amongst these evil muppets ... but because the forces of Christ

love me so much, my ears made a total recovery and I have

never been bothered by tinnitus as a result of my encounter with

aliens impersonating human authorities.

Superhuman problems in my life are overcome by superhuman

solutions.

I didn't get any more of that kind of nonsense that I could see

or hear from those little monsters after that but I'm absolutely

certain that they do keep trying.

25. THE ICE CREAM VAN

Summer in the Ancient Kingdom of Fife near Dunfermline the

so-called spiritual heart of Scotland is a time of high spirits.

I say this because there were rumours that the naval shipyard at

Rosyth was allegedly shipping in substances destined to be

abused.

I had also heard a story from Dangerous Dan that a man who

was going to spill the beans on what sort of stuff was under the

deck plates met with an unfortunate accident.

Well maybe not an accident for he was allegedly shot in his car

in a lay-by in northern Scotland.

James Bond stories and the agents of Dr No are all part of the

scene when you have big stuff going on amongst civilian

populations.

It was true that on some nights there were convoys of all white

vehicles driven by men in black uniforms wearing black

baseball caps.

They would snake along ferrytoll road past the deep

underground base heading out to supply some unknown parties

with important assistance.

Perhaps this was the research division of the rather decrepit

yard shipping out important parts during the refurbishment of

the outlying cold war deep base.

Much of this, which included World War 2 fuel bunkers was

being demolished, and somewhere underground massive

scaling and cleaning with industrial detergent was underway.

Why bother cleaning it if it was officially getting demolished ?

Who would be walking about down there today when the place

officially went on the public market in the year 2000AD.

The occasional vent over the deep base reeked like a smelly

laundrette and I was surprised to smell the same smell coming

from somewhere around a cottage under the Forth rail bridge at

North Queensferry a couple of miles to the west.

The extent of underground Rosyth though was traditionally up

for question, as the military were only prepared to disclose a few

facts about old outlying military infrastructure.

It was alleged to extend up to the UN command centre four

miles north at Pitreavie near Dunfermline, connected via underground

railway.

From two independent sources though it was apparent that

there was a big deep twenty two level base some of it flooded at

the lower levels and also that many galleries were full of old

world war two munitions connected by a little railway.

The person disclosed that his job was to take the little train

around breaking out the occasional box of grenades for example

and if on testing a couple one did not explode .. then the whole

box he alleged was dumped in the Firth of Forth estuary.

The other more seedy side to military activity at Rosyth naval

yard was the allegation that on refitting a nuclear submarine in

the 1970's the engineers had tried to cut corners in their

schedule by attempting to inappropriately lift a Polaris

submarines nuclear reactor sending it crashing into the yard

and the harbour.

Much of the subsequent cancers and illnesses were allegedly

covered up.

There is also the possibility that nuclear waste may be long term

stored and managed there in primitive conditions too.

However, I could not find any local statistics about the leakage

of Radon gas into the urban environment above through the

porous rocks.

My other military contact suggested that I stayed off the beach

there intimating that if I was looking for a 'hot beach' that I

should try Bermuda.

There were therefore probably reasons for incessant civilian and

military police patrols and people impersonating police officers

with no numbers on their lapels or who wore star trek federation

badges as part of their community efforts.

Colditz-like searchlight sweeps on the local hills at night during

the contractors operations suggested that there was still

sensitive and important infrastructure to keep secure.

It wasn't until I started seeing the flying saucers that I

recognised that there was something 'going on'.

For example the big silver saucer shaped ship over the hill at

Inverkeithing that was low enough to bounce a can of coke off.

In broad daylight in blue skies and about one hundred feet

above my head a craft about one hundred yards in diameter

making no noise and drifting over at its leisure.

There were small luminous blue white lights flying in and out

the housing estates at night and indeed some would chase me

down the road.

Were these the residents or were they their visitors.

Who was it that stayed there that had caused a huge twenty year

old ash tree to lift all if its major roots out of the ground and into

the air like some giant octopus ??

There were small luminous blue white lights going in and out of

a square box shaped UFO that hovered for fifty minutes over

the Castlandhill site of the base.

The box UFO, about the size of a minibus, rectangular with a

central door and what looked like a little alien bus conductor

selling tickets to incoming blue white orbs.

There were about fifteen blue-white orbs floating for several

minutes outside the ship as it silently hung there.

It was a clear starlit night and there were some high clouds and

the little ship generated some translucent cloud to slightly

camouflage its form.

This was ineffective.

Another night there was a low flying passenger jet, looking like

a Boeing 737 airbus skimming the same hill making no noise

with no lights on at all.

It just slowly swished over the housing estate in the most

uncredible way.

I was starting to get the picture or rather, the hologram.

Yes, there did seem to be something 'going on'.

Sometimes when you start looking for things you can let your

fertile imagination create all sorts of delusions. I started getting

the idea after being chased down the local road by a hawk that

maybe the wild life around here was a bit hostile. The film 'the

birds' by Alfred Hitchcock being a case in point.

It seemed to me that every morning I woke up there were large

noisy crows sitting on my roof sounding off the moment I

opened my eyes.

Well there was that and this strange whine.

I looked for the source of it in the local old dockyards but there

was no such industry any more.

It seemed very close to home too.

The birds though in this neighbourhood seemed a bit agitated

so maybe they were being irritated by this machine.

I opened my eyes one morning to hear the crows at it from the

houses over twenty yards away. They were loud as usual.

Feeling a bit peeved at my wakeup call, I imitated them quietly

making somewhat derisory Donald Duck noises.

Next moment there are two angry crows slamming against my

bedroom window and flapping against the glass whilst

screaming their fury. They intentionally flapped against the

glass, screaming for several seconds.

Who or what had gotten into the local wildlife ?

The local parkland adjacent to the huge fuel bunker demolition

project had belonged to the military in the days that they had

occupied the various big houses on the hills.

Indeed there were still signs of a herd of deer and other

attributes of game farming left behind when the Navy had

moved out.

The local paths led through trees and berry bushes along the

shore road and sometimes it could be seen that the wind had

picked up masses of little four inch twigs and woven and laid

them into artistic artwork that might be seen on the BBC

television show for children called Blue Peter.

Though some of it did seem to look very sophisticated.

There were chequered boxes full of parallel twigs and other

boxes with twigs at odd angles like some sort of hieroglyphic.

I marvelled at the natural creativity of random and unintelligent

forces.

I noticed that a big old dead tree had some large boulders on

top of it and recognised that a dump truck from the fuel depot

demolitions must have dumped it there.

The next day though the tree had been moved further up the

path and other boulders put on top of it and that rather

intrigued me as to what the local kids were on.

The demolition contractors were not in fact using this land to

dump, as it was a designated brown site nature reserve.

The local kids had to be getting their porridge oats to be

making weights like that.

Maybe it was the kids who were designing these twig tapestries

full of sophisticated looking pseudo-linguistics.

Wandering through the woods I came to a very strange piece of

art and design.

It was to all intents and purposes a sculpture made out of junk.

It wasn't ordinary junk though and the whole contraption

seemed to have a purpose.

The junk sculpture some of it arrayed on a bush was made out

of yuppie lifestyle artifacts such as the ski jacket on the bush

and certain kinds of diet choices such as food containers and a

car hub cap belonging to that income bracket.

The whole contraption was wired together like an electrical

circuit and all the wiring then emptied into and was shoved into

an empty bottle of yuppie vodka.

This seemed a very strange cocktail of aspirations and

intentions and it was as if by some voodoo magic that the juices

out of these artifacts were being stripped and their social

essences were being squeezed and transferred into the bottle of

blue moon vodka.

This was a recipe for an alien cocktail of blue moon vodka and

essence of yuppie ... maybe called the 'skiing doo'

Maybe some very creative and misunderstood kid genius was

just having some fun in a twisted way.

Beyond the woods the old iron railings ran around the cold war

facility and following those it led to the activity at the huge

depot that was being demolished.

There was a gateway in the iron railings beyond that that led to

a shortcut home through the trees.

I noticed that one of the workmen had somehow locked that.

I said somehow because what I saw I couldn't really explain.

The lock plate was totally encrusted with rust, and the bolt had

been wedged tightly and immovably against the gatepost by

inserting a very thick metal screw under the bolt.

Fair enough.

On the way under the bolt though, the big screw had to have

been hammered into place to wedge it in place by an act of

friction.

With that rust and available space under the bolt, friction had to

be encountered and overcome by more force which would then

displace and bend the mild steel lock plate under the bolt as the

screw got wedged into place.

On the way in it ought to have created a furrow in the rust

revealing fresher metal.

The screw had to have been hammered into place in order to

warp the metal lock plate directly under the bolt but there was

no mark or disturbance of the rust on the locks surface. Not one

scratch or furrow.

That just didn't seem right.

In order to bend light plate steel with force, rust ought to have

been scratched or displaced.

Whatever base contractor security guard had inserted that

wedge appeared to have defied the laws of physics and

rematerialised the lock.

This was all a bit suspicious.

Things were getting a bit desperate when I was stopped by the

police on the roadside and informed by them - one of them

wearing his community star trek Federation badge - that 'a man

exactly fitting my description had been seen by two reliable

witnesses opening the door of a moving car and accosting the

passengers therein.'

Would I mind being detained in a cell with the air conditioning

on cold for four hours whilst they checked things out? Etc

I of course had no option but to comply.

Apparently I had been seen by these same witnesses swinging

from the struts of the Forth road bridge too, no doubt eating a

banana in a careless manner.

This stuff was comedy.

This was ridiculous.

I went home to sulk ... things were just getting out of hand and

to make matters worse a guy in Edinburgh alleging to work for

a company called Black Arts Computing had deliberately

junked my two new computers with boot viruses, locked and

encrypted partitions and killfiled my Active X stuff etc and,

some clown from Edinburgh had left a message on my answer

phone that I later turned into a rave tune that she had a 'bad

vibe coming through and that I was not to drive my car, at least

not fast.'

That was fine because somebody had come by in the middle of

the night and totally trashed it into an unroadworthy wreck

beyond my financial means to repair.

I needed cheering up - maybe some comfort food.

Then to my utter amazement a new Ice Cream Van had entered

the housing estate and it was playing a tune that I hadn't heard

for years.

The tune was the Teddy Bear's Picnic....

If you go out in the woods today

You're sure of a big surprise.

and be in disguise because the place is full

of weirdly behaving bears having a picnic.

In fact its safer to stay at home.. etc .'

Ok Ok, ice cream for my inner child who no longer wants to go

and play in those woods ... I bounded out my front door with

my pound coin up the grass to the side of the ice cream van.

I did not recognise this vehicle at all - this was totally new.

I'm six feet tall but even standing on my tip toes the top of my

head never reached the height of the sales counter of the van ...

Inside the van, the older lady driver was a small lady who had

handicapped features as if she had Downes Syndrome.

I asked for my ice cream cone ... the street was empty and I was

the only big kiddy at the van and I realised that the sales

counter of this van was approximately seven feet off the

pavement.

It had to be the most ergonomically uncommercial ice cream

van ever manufactured and it also didn't have a lot of

confections on display either.

It had no posters or sales charts, no price lists, no colourful

illustrations. It was all white fixtures and fittings.

Real kids would have to stand on each other's shoulders to

make their order.

The little lady served me the ice cream cone and as I walked

away having paid her the coin, I licked the ice cream and

discovered that it was watery and tasteless.

I never again saw that particular van.

I never saw it take off.

Whatever those teddy bears were on ... I'll be having some of

that too.

Not too long after that I put my house on the market and

eventually got it sold. It was a great relief to leave such a surreal

and badly behaving place.

It was more obvious to me than ever that the powers of Light

were looking after me.

ALIEN PIZZA

The Ancient Kingdom of Fife has a takeaway service second to

none.

In fact some nights you can see these businesses pick up and

drop off as they go with their carry-outs from one house to the

next.

Some like Santa Clause with a sled with no reindeer hover at

rooftop height as Santa's little helpers go either down the

chimney or through the walls to collect boys and girls both big

and small and bad and good.

It was strange to see those same houses round about the time of

the nine O clock news in the dark early nights of the autumn.

Whole housing estates that should have been bustling hives of

industry alive with kids playing outside and inside, switching on

lights and switching off lights, or watching the brightly

flickering televisions as they ran through the latest blockbuster

or SKY digital classic, were pitch black.

Indeed there was an eerie stillness about some of these places.

You could travel a long way around these dark windowed

estates north and south without ever being surprised by

someone switching on a light.

Having personally seen a square UFO about the size of a big

minibus hovering in the air over the local 'abandoned' military

base at ten O clock at night in an almost cloudless sky, hanging

low over the military communication dishes it really didn't look

good for mankind.

For over fifty minutes the eleven or so blue-white soul lights of

these strange and bothersome beings went to and fro through

what looked like a doorway in the little mini-bus or shuttle.

Obviously if these guys were playing football for Scotland there

wasn't going to be a problem outpacing the opposition.

There was just no substitute for high-energy team spirit.

It became obvious that in many different ways alien invasion

definitely lowered the carbon footprint of the local community.

Selflessly saving the planet at night, no doubt conserving

electricity, perhaps even parked up in their cupboards the

benefits of being under the alien cosh did not, however,

materialise.

Other things did though.

Despite being hounded down the road at night by blue-white

lights zipping through the trees and meeting strange

pedestrians that appeared to be woven out of cloud and light,

there could have been nothing more strange than to see a small

car sitting up in a tree as though it were resting there for the

evening having had a long arduous flight across the Forth

estuary.

This alleged road traffic incident also involved strange

numberless off duty police who had obviously borrowed their

vehicles from the next shift perhaps en route to a local

takeaway.

One knew it was a wind up when one saw a local police officer

wearing a Federation badge from Star Trek as part of his

community relations allowance.

Down town there was also a take away restaurant called the

Wok-in which no doubt had lots of business from the local deep

underground military base.

Exactly what had taken possession of a whole Legion of people

and had walked into their collective federated lives was hard to

imagine.

In fact very little had been left to the human imagination it

seems.

To get a clue, helping holograms of vehicles that change their

shape and appearance were supplied, like the camper van that

became a police minibus.

Realising that this stuff was both impersonating police officers

and no doubt world leaders I could see my career as an X Files

investigator coming to an untimely close.

The carry out service in Fife no doubt extended throughout the

rest of Scotland as well.

I tried to filter this freaky stuff out because really I was just the

little guy making his way through the hardships of downtown

Scotland.

I was again getting some night air, not that far from my front

door when I saw this low flying passenger airliner fly alarming

low across the top of the local hill with its military dishes. It was

no more than twenty feet above the dishes and dangerously low.

I say I saw the Boeing 737 airbus because I never heard any

engine noise whatsoever. The engines ought to have been

deafening that low and close. Then as I watched it fly past I

realised that it was lit underneath by the orange glow of the

streetlights.

There were no landing lights, no front lights, and no taillights,

there were no lights on in the clearly visible crew cabin and the

portholes were also dark showing no lights at all.

It was L Ron Hubbard the Scientology guy that had said that

DC10's flew between the stars and it was getting obvious that

maybe he was right about the strangeness of imitation human

technology.

Hubbard was obviously in the know and that was decades ago.

It was clear to me that I wasn't really cut out to be a UFO

investigator when on a hilltop above Dunfermline in broad

daylight a big silvery teardrop ship sails straight overhead low

enough to chuck a can of Irn Bru at.

I could tell that the aliens were being clever when I saw or

thought I saw rivets on the no doubt polished steel plates on the

hull.

This ship though clearly wasn't 'made in Scotland from

girders'.

My field research on this underground base had suggested from

an inside source that it was a lot bigger and less abandoned

than had been suggested, although merely being an unlawful,

cold war, radon-exuding nuclear tip and mouldy world war two

arms dump wasn't any good reason for ET's to want to have

anything to do with it.

The ET's seemed to be having such a good time inventing

totally unsustainable lifestyles and perpetuating them as an

incredible hoax.

I realised that there wasn't going to be any money in this deal at

all.

In the UK and Scotland in particular this stuff is so covered up.

Feeling rather dejected, I was taking my constitutional and had

managed to get beyond the sewage works without again being

stopped or harassed by some phoney policeman with no

epaulette numbers.

I sat down and took a rest in the Deep Sea World shelter and

although it was a bright and beautiful afternoon, the little road

was quiet and empty.

Next thing I saw a black saloon car go whisking by right to left,

but I didn't pay it any attention and a couple of seconds later

the same car went past my vision left to right.

Wow I thought, that had to be the fastest three-point turn in

human history.

Ok, then I thought, they want to play.

I said, lets see two red cars followed by two white cars.

Next thing, two red cars followed by two white cars.

This wasn't fair I thought, these Aliens are really being cheeky.

There wasn't going to be any money in this stuff.

Trains and boats and planes and cars were not necessarily trains

and boats and planes and cars and things definitely were not as

they appeared to be as far as who was who.

I remembered stories written in the 1960's from the days of my

youth when I used to read science fiction and fantasy and I

realised that much of those science fiction ideas had already

been superseded under my very nose.

When I saw that the film 'Impostor' based on one of the many

short stories of Philip K Dick had been made into a film I was

both suspicious and curious.

Other such Dick movies included 'Screamers' the story of

evolving killer robots that became human and used sonic

warfare to immobilise their victims, and 'Blade Runner' the

story of the rebellious Androids evolving souls.

'Impostor' is about an Alien race that replaces people with lookalike

exploding bombs.

I thought that the movie itself was worth keeping as a memento

of that bygone era of science faction and ordered a copy from

HMV in Edinburgh.

It arrived eventually and I decided to give it another look.

Breaking open the cellophane wrapping I got into my new DVD

case and put the disc into the player.

There were pictures, nice pictures, but no sound.

Checking my volume and my connections I retried and there

was still no sound.

I put another DVD into the player and it tested with sound, but

on my 'Impostor' DVD there was no sound except a slight hiss.

Realising that this was a bit extraordinary for an industrial

process in the media industry to have such issues and that my

life was actually full of strange co-incidences, I wondered if

somebody was trying to tell me something, so in case there was

something for me to hear somewhere on that film I decided to

give it a watch.

Sure enough, the sound track that wasn't there actually was, but

it wasn't in English. There was some sort of hiss and crackle ..

but whenever somebody looked at the camera the noise got

louder but died down when they looked away.

It would go on like this such that every time there was a close

up of an actors eyes the hissing sound would crescendo and

then die down with another scenic shot.

I cannot remember in the movie in the cinema noticing how the

sound track got louder every time you saw a close up of an

actors face and eyes - so if this hissing was some sort of residual

audio corruption of a human soundtrack it probably wasn't

following the original dynamic of the film.

Twenty Quid wasted I thought, more cheeky alien show-offs

trying to impress me with their subliminal programming of the

human race.

I was really into tendering my resignation as a Scottish 'Fox

Mulder' because obviously this kind of material doesn't get to

get heard at the big establishment controlled UFO conferences

in places like England.

The Scottish UFOlogist that plays the game usually has to be

content with talking about lights in the sky and relating that

most of those were manmade by the Military.

The UK arms industry, though, is famous for its deals with rich

Arab princes and its sales of whole squadrons of expensive jets

often used in a decorative capacity, but surely even British

Aerospace was not churning out shape shifting interstellar

technology.

Then I hit on an idea.

These smart-ass aliens seemed so good at this takeaway stuff

and producing absolutely anything at a moment's notice that I

reckoned I was going to give them something to think about.

If I wasn't going to get paid for this field research - at least I

could get a pizza out of it.

I sat down pen and paper in hand and began to write an order

for a pizza.

It was going to be logical, in a language that they would

understand and I was going to use the IF's and AND's and

THEN and OR of a Visual Basic programmer.

I assumed they were listening, especially since the teletext

words on my TV had recently formed the phrase 'Be Good' !!.

I defined pizza.

I defined box.

I defined the box colour as yellow.

I defined cola.

I defined the delivery time constraints.

I also defined retribution should the pizza and cola not arrive

within the stipulated time.

The retribution was a Virus called Mr Frosty who would get into

the Communications uplink and take it down.

Mr Frosty was a virus of tough character that could call on other

resources to supplement his attack.

Mr Frosty was the essence of me and my personality.

Other resources from X, Y and Z would make sure that Mr

Frosty Virus would definitely disrupt their communications

centre.

If I don't get a medium sized mozzarella pizza in a yellow pizza

box and a can of cola delivered within the next twenty minutes,

then a virus called Mr Frosty will get into your comms uplink

and disable it.

As they say 'you can't go wrong with pizza !!'

No sooner had I put the pen down onto the coffee table than

there is a ring at my doorbell.

Pizza I thought ..

I opened my front door to see a small lady, self-employed on

business with a satchel full of pizza box sized items.

She was allegedly from the Royal Society for the Prevention of

Cruelty to Animals.

They were pizza box sized calendars and every one of them was

yellow.

She offered me the chance to buy a calendar ... and she then

asked me smiling what colour of yellow had I in mind.

I declined the offer to buy one of the many yellow calendars

with a little doggy in the middle of it.

She left.

I realised that I had not defined the specific RGB pantone

colour of yellow .. then on reflection realised that whoever that

was came out of nowhere with lots and lots of context specific

material assembled at a moments notice.

I wasn't going to get my pizza after all.

Heading up the road the next day on my way to the local Wal-

Mart, feeling rather disconcerted I noticed the local pet shop

adjacent to the store.

On the wall in silver had been sprayed by parties unknown ..

'Mr Frosty if you can read this you are Gay .. !!'

This was getting a bit personal.