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Andrew Hennessey’s Close Encounters
of the Malevolent Kind in 2003
These are basically modern faerie tales couched in the language and culture of their day
and as far as I'm concerned - they were very real for me ... I do have some photos and things to back some of this up - but its basically the faeries in 'silver space suits' .
These are excerpts from my encounter stories 'The Turning of the Tide' free ebook on the net
THE IMPERIAL PRINCESS
Having been involved in the amazing ET contact scenario in
Kirkcaldy, Fife, Scotland at the millennium where a group of
worthies were filming and photographing materialisations, low
flying small spaceships and one or two enormous big ships over
the estuary of the river Forth near Gullane, Edinburgh, there
had been considerable international interest in the reports
generated by the footage.
This despite the fact that those who decided what the news was
didn't think this film that looked like an excerpt from Star wars
merited any attention.
To quote former Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher .. 'You can't
tell the people .. !'
One big two mile long elliptical ship had been filmed static in
the air for two hours. It had three circular big boosters at its rear
end that looked like blue white car headlights, whilst out of its
many decks over the two hour period, swarms of little glowing
pod ships came like a cloud of midges rising and falling in
clouds in the clear night sky as they then flew off in little
glowing armadas over the area known as Goblin Halls near
Having shown the excerpts from the two-hour footage at
Glenrothes MIMAC 'Rushes' event at the Rothes Halls, there
was interest from a Tour company in the United States.
The lady was an expert in the Strange and regularly took tours
to exotic destinations such as; Hawaii, Tonga, Australia,
Switzerland, Mexico, Peru and Brazil.
Kirkcaldy therefore was not exactly a luxury destination, but
there are wonderful fish and chip shops in Kirkcaldy that give
you two pieces of haddock with your chips and Irn Bru.
I got the email from Atlantis Expeditions saying that Rosie was
coming over to check out this group in Kirkcaldy and that she
was bringing a friend.
Being at the millennium, it was possible that this contact
collective had something important to say, having filmed some
strange looking glowing being that appeared to be pointing a
device or glowing rod in their back garden.
Maybe Captain Zarkon and his First Officer had something to
I met Rosie and her friend at South Queensferry railway station
in the middle of the summer of 2000AD and we then went to the
little hotel adjacent to the ferry under the famous Forth railway
It was one of those lovely days with blue sky, white fluffy
clouds, beautiful looking bridge architecture with its red
geometric girders, the scent of the sea and the sound of the
herring gulls as they swooped searching for seafood in the
I was pleased that the setting was so picturesque.
We got a table at the back of the long bar and started to discuss
our strange agenda and its tourist logistics and the ins and outs
of people being followed around by strange lights in the sky that
would fly around their rooftops, buzz their cars and materialise
inside and outside their houses.
The three of us were engaged in working out the agenda for the
Kirkcaldy visit and a quick tour of Edinburgh town centre and
the grey alien 13th Century stone head in St Giles Cathedral
when suddenly, I look up, and see this small lady about five foot
two enter the lounge at the far end of the bar.
She starts slowly walking up the back of the long lounge to us,
passing the bar, not stopping to order, not seeing in any sign or
room feature where we were sitting any opportunity to enter the
ladies room. It was just us up the back of a long room - there
were no other doors or exits.
She looked late fiftyish and had an embroidered woollen jersey
and long black skirt and appeared to be carrying a little blonde
haired rag doll.
She walked straight up to us and introduced herself as Lydia.
When she heard the accents of Rosie and her friend, she said
that she was a gypsy and knew of some very strange local
Realising that this was obviously not any kind of co-incidence
and therefore had to be directly connected with what I was
doing in Fife and with my clients, I told Lydia about the strange
lights in the sky in Fife.
At this she said that she too was followed about by lights, and
that these were ships that followed her about everywhere no
matter where she went. They were her people.
We were just wondering therefore what the significance of the
blonde haired rag dolly was when she held it at various heights
and lengths from her body and said that her Mother sends her
everywhere; up here, over here, down there.
At that Rosie, who comes from a strong American military
tradition having flown into Scotland on an American Military
Transport on the 'Air America' ticket offered to military, exmilitary
and Intel families, decided to take some photographs.
Lydia then produced a Christmas card with an Angel on it
guiding the three wise men and put her arm around me in a very
reassuring manner and we posed for our official interstellar
I got Lydia's phone number and told her that we would love her
to come around to a group meeting in Edinburgh.
Then she smiled at us and left the hotel.
We then arranged to meet at the house of McWoolly with some
other invited people from my research group to see if we could
get Lydia's spaceships on film at night.
I realised that what she had to say was very important indeed
and we convened the next night in Edinburgh.
Lydia came along and thanked us with a blessing in the
Catholic tradition, then took us outside.
We waited, and then, through the low clouds that obscured
most of the sky, came a bright UFO and it hung there under the
clouds glowing through the water vapour.
Next came a second and then a third.
At that point it could not be argued that Lydia would not
produce ships when required.
There was positive proof therefore that Lydia was an important
person of some sort that need not necessarily be from around
This was done in front of Rosie and other witnesses.
This had to be real progress for Mankind.
The next day I met up with Rosie again and took her and her
friend to Kirkcaldy in Fife to meet with the Lloyd contact group.
I had been giving them a hand by setting up conferences and
news exposure and by doing other research into Religious
Organisations and other publicity etc
Their main contention was that they had evidence that the
Prophet Elijah had returned to see that everything was good
before Aliens rebuilt the Temple in Scotland.
In several of the New Testament Gospels though, Christ is
clearly quoted as having said that Elijah had already been and
gone. [Matthew 17:1two] For the Christian Church therefore and
all Christians, Elijah had already returned a second time and
had been John the Baptist.
They had a photo of a being with something that looked like a
hand held device and they said that this was Elijah.
They also stated that anyone who disagreed with that might
well come to some real physical harm for being unGodly.
Rosie met the guys and listened to the reality and saw the
amazing images then took some more photos and shortly after
that headed out of Scotland on a military transport that she
boarded near Glasgow. She shared the trip with a Delta team
on its way back from a mission further east than the ancient
Kingdom of Fife.
I started seeing Lydia quite frequently after that without any
pre-arrangements she would be there co-incidentally in the
supermarket, or on the street near where I stayed.
I had been playing fiddle for Scottish dancing one night at
Dalhousie Castle along with the resident band there and at half
time as we were eating our sausage rolls, I noticed through the
long castle windows that strange small pearly glowing lights
were flying across the car park.
Dalhousie Castle does have a resident spook, perhaps a
chambermaid that is said to have perished in an unhappy
manner, but this phenomenon was sweeping down from the
After the gig, I got into my Volkswagen van and drove round
the Edinburgh ring road out to the Forth road bridge.
Before I arrived at the tollbooths I took the Services slip road up
to the garage, thinking to get a packet of biscuits and milk for
my nighttime cuppa.
It was a clear, mild summers night and the whole area was quiet
and free of cars and transport. It was about two am.
There wasn't much traffic on the nearby Forth Bridge either.
I pulled in and parked up, getting out my van to stretch my legs.
As I did so another car comes rolling into the garage and slowly
pulls up alongside my van.
It was Lydia.
She said hello and asked me what I'd been up to ... and I told
her that I had been playing a ceilidh dance at Dalhousie Castle.
She then said that she had composed some tunes that she
wanted me to listen to ... and she produced a tape recorder and
played what sounded like stately marches and processional
She said that she was a princess from a big Interstellar Empire
and can remember those lives she had there from long ago.
She then produced a photograph of herself in a dark textured
dress standing beside a tall lady who appeared to be wearing an
archaic or gothic style taffeta, white satin evening dress with
formally dressed black hair.
Her mother seemed a strong willed and feisty lady with a sense
of humour and an eye for power dressing.
Lydia then said that she would like to take me to introduce me
to her Mother at some point.
Her mother therefore being the Empress of an Interstellar
Lydia asked me what I thought of her tunes and I remember
thinking that these themes and melodies could sound really
good if they were arranged properly.
She then got out the car and came over to me, looking around to
see if we were unobserved and the area was quiet except for us ..
then she said watch .. and she stepped outside of her material
body to reveal a shining and loving being with a real sense of
humour who looked me in the eyes and smiled into my mind.
She had obviously been around the Universe.
She bid me goodnight and drove off, though I'm not sure if I
could hear her car accelerate up the slip road.
INTERSTELLAR CONTRACT HIT
In 1996AD in Leith, Edinburgh, I was recuperating late from a
Scottish music gig the previous night when at about eleven O'
clock in the morning a small slim alien wearing of all bizarre
things an evening dress materialises in my bedroom.
She is about five feet seven, emanates great age and is wearing
an evening gown with long evening gloves and a string of
At this point, your guess is as good as mine.
I almost jumped out of my skin when I saw this.
She walks over to the side of my bed and stands there looking
down at me. She explains that she is from an Imperial court and
that she wants to teach me about their Royal etiquette.
She next asks if I thought she was comely ... and I look her in
her strange almond shaped humanesque eyes.
I could hear my guardian Angel shout out 'No !!' and then next
there is a flash of white light as a standard zeta reticulan capture
device discharges in its attempt to transport me.
I next feel like I am floating with everything totally white
around me, there being absolutely no visible landmarks in this
white zone. Still fully conscious I next could see four Men who
were not very pleased at the attempted abduction.
Not knowing exactly where I was, I asked them if it was all over
for me and they just said 'no .. its ok, we're going to return you.'
My guardian or indeed a team of Angels had headed this one off
at the pass.
Obviously the regal stuff was some sort of confidence trick to
gain my attention and empathy, but what was this all about I
I was being protected by some no nonsense Angels.
Thankfully whoever had supplied the technology to this being
had been unable to prevail with it.
The next time I saw this lady she was wearing normal looking
clothes looking more human but with the same head-shape and
had a similar pearl necklace on and she smiled at me.
Who was this person I began thinking .. and if I'm not mistaken
that would be the third time in four weeks I had seen her locally
either smiling at me from a passing car or waiting for me at the
She could teleport herself and appeared to have access to
resources and equipment and how could she be certain that the
regal type confidence trick was going to get past my obvious
What was that about and why would regal things really go for
Was she operating solo and indeed was I being tagged and
targeted by invisible interstellar technologies and beings.
The human eyesight and cognition can only do so much in
Where I was staying in Fife, the television reception was bad
and tended to not deliver any meaningful pictures to the license
Indeed the place was a known black hole for terrestrial TV.
I had put the teletext news service on to pick up the headlines
but could make out nothing meaningful in the jumble of letters
except 'Be Good', which had been the little ET's advice to the
child hero in the Spielberg film ET.
Deciding that I needed some control of the situation, and not
letting my psychology be driven and hence controlled by alien
BS, I put on my star wars DVD, and having heard the dialog
before put on some music to play along with it, just letting the
images run. To my surprise it seemed that the dynamics of the
movements in the film were somehow synchronising to the
My music was upbeat pop and the movements of the characters
in the movie seemed to jerk along to the beat.
Realising that this kind of stuff is totally impossible to prove
after the fact or even before it - certainly without careful
scientific measurements and timing - I changed the CD and
put on a classical music track behind the same tract of film.
This time to my horror things seemed to get a bit more slow
and smooth and twirly.
Cannot be .. said my rational mind, starting to object.
Lets see if there is some stuff in my house interfering with the
laws of physics and motion.
I had a coffee table and decided to try out the laws of gravity. I
held a small hard plastic ball over it and let go. The expected
effect was one bounce not so high as the original drop height,
then a succession of quicker and progressively shorter and
hence more rapid bounces diminishing the balls energy to a
That was exactly what happened.
I did it again and I could hear the first bounce, but the second
one didn't happen .. not for a disconcertingly rather long time
... the ball had been held up .. postponed .. delayed.
But by whom or what.
I reckoned that with my television set and HiFi not cooperating
that I had better switch them off and try to sit down
on my couch and take stock of what seemed to be happening.
It was getting dark and tonight was actually Halloween, which
in Scotland is traditionally a time for unhappy things in the
Witches, Ghosts and Aliens no doubt were all over the place and
knowing my track record for these kind of encounters even
when I'm not looking for them, I intended to stay in tonight and
get some peace and quiet.
I made my supper and sat down to look at a magazine, looking
up suddenly to see a fairly dark monotonic hologram of Princes
Street, Edinburgh's main street, in the glass display cabinet.
I don't do any substances and hadn't been slipped any so
whatever I was looking at was being provided on top of my
beans on toast.
I sat there looking at this brown grey hologram of some guy in a
long raincoat being shunned and socially abused by classier
looking people on Princes street in Edinburgh.
One often doesn't need alien vision equipment to see that.
A rather disconcerting sight, I get up from my couch deciding
that the UK television standards agency Ofcom needed to be
informed about this illegal and pirate TV station that was
putting out programmes without adequate sound and then
broadcasting them straight into my glass cabinet.
I rather thought that I should go on the Internet and went over
to my machine, but as I looked into the dark powered down
monitor, I could see some movement behind the glass.
Not certain what I was looking at I stood back and then could
clearly see a little women in white, identical to the interstellar
secret agent lady who had previously tried to abduct me and she
was waving at me.
This was not on .. in more ways than one.
I blinked and rubbed my eyes .. but then she brought her face
closer to the glass and as it got bigger and more obvious I
As I did so ... other little specks of light started to fly out of the
black glass front of the monitor.
More and more quickly came into the room through the
monitor that was being used by this being like some sort of
I could see that there were lights and objects swirling about in
my room and that the objects looked rather like triangular
wedges, like they were little manta rays.
I realised that I was in deep sh*t so I prayed to my guardian
and felt that things were ok and that I was not to panic.
The big swarm of strange flying wedges circled and chaotically
circled around the room and passed upstairs through the ceiling
and I went up the stairs to see what it was up to. It then formed
itself into a formation, getting smaller and smaller and flew into
my landscape painting of mars like they were a flock of happy
migrating geese under control.
I was relieved to see the flock of horrid stuff go because I had
the idea that these things can get into humans if we get
It was possible that I had been exposed to some sort of parasite
hosting attack by this strange being who appeared to be out to
Was she some sort of interstellar hit lady and in fact, were there
others on the case too ? and why ?
I went outside after that to get some fresh air. It was a dark
Halloween night and the rows of houses were sparsely lit.
I looked up the hill to the top of the allegedly abandoned
underground base where I had seen a UFO offload a few weeks
ago and wondered what else was going on around here at night.
My eyes looked up to the sky to try to pick out the moon and
stars and some movement caught my attention on a rooftop
There was a stocky semi-transparent alien running across the
roof in a loping gait.
It was about five feet tall and seemed thickly built or somehow
Next thing there is a flash of orange and the thing is gone.
I started to wonder whether or not I was going to get out of this
nest of nonsense intact. I certainly don't think having one of
Captain Kirk's best phasers would have helped, as these things
could become impossibly small, fast and difficult for the human
faculties to track.
I don't think any human nervous system could successfully
wage war on these processes, however specially trained and
Worse still, the local police, who played for laughs were wearing
Star Trek Federation badges and not necessarily any lapel
I was hoping to Klingon here for as long as possible.
My local Chinese takeaway was called the Wok In .. which no
doubt served up the very best cuisine for miles around to the
Naval personnel at both the surface and underground military
base and training academy.
As long as no-one 'walked in' to my being and abducted me,
things would be ok.
The next morning after I peacefully slept in the Angelic arms of
my guardian, I powered up my camera and started taking some
pictures, especially of the room downstairs.
Sure enough there were still a couple of the little wedge-shaped
parasites swimming about amongst the more usual astral
plankton and I managed to get some images of this entity.
There had though been many more last night.
In Scotland it is traditional to have sea food served up with
chipped potatoes, so if anyone wants to know what they would
be having with their chips if they went to Rosyth take a look at
the photo section in this book.
In the morning, there was a circular blister about two inches in
diameter in the paintwork on my front door.
Some alien had managed to fire one off in my general direction.
To me there was some significant stuff happening locally at the
alleged deep level base. I could see the UFO traffic.
On top of this though, long before I had ever come to this
locality, this luminous white haired spindly being had been
trying to do some bad stuff to me.
Trying to abduct me for and on behalf of the Zeta's.
Whoever had hired her though no doubt expected results and no
doubt she would be requesting bigger and better equipment
and no doubt would be trying harder to get close in the future.
The next time I saw her, she or someone looking almost
identical and much more human was on the streets of
Edinburgh one minute and when I looked away and looked
back, she was gone.
She has been on my tail for at least ten years and was letting me
know that she's still around.
Maybe the Zeta's will have found somebody better in the
galactic yellow pages by now ... I doubt that my Guardian
Angel is worried though.
24. PHASERS ON STUN ??
The lights of the city of Edinburgh glimmered and glinted over
the river estuary called the Firth of Forth.
It was a still, calm night.
At Cruicks point, there is a famous scrap metal yard called
Dalton's on land historically donated by Papal Bull from the
There is also a quarry.
Beyond the mountains of rusting desolation lay the sea and the
glimmering lights of Edinburgh.
The sky above though was very disturbing.
Directly above where I stood on the little peninsula was a
glowing green canopy of light .. its crown directly and centrally
overhead whilst the flanks of this tent billowed with variegated
green veins and sheets.
It was like the aurora borealis only it was all green and it was
There is a song in Scotland called 'The Northern Lights of old
Aberdeen' but this was not Aberdeen and wasn't that far north.
I now know that this stuff has chased a witness in Gorebridge,
Midlothian up the street !! But I didn't know that then.
Well I seemed to be in the ring of a strange circus tent, but who
was the ringmaster ??
He's behind you ... well that's how this pantomime goes
I look behind me and note that standing behind the bushes is
an alien about five feet eight tall. Humanoid head, light
coloured skin, stockily built, dark eye coverings and wearing a
black tunic with shoulder epaulettes.
In front of him was a rectangular black metallic object that
looked like a smaller version of the famous 2001 monolith. It
was about three feet tall by two feet wide.
It seemed perfectly black although it was bathed in the same
green light as the humanoid and the rest of this area.
I looked up again at the sky, which was very active and green
and it seemed to be circling around me.
My inner guidance suggested that I should ignore this guy and
he became invisible and I proceeded unharmed and in good
I had formed the notion that these black monoliths, originally in
Arthur C Clarke's short story 'the sentinel' which was then made
into 2001 and its sequel 2010 were somehow part of a cyborg
civilisation and that like the movie 'Transformers' they can
mutate our domestic technologies.
I wasn't really sure if that story could ever be checked out unless
we could find a working example of one.
It may be that these letterbox shaped monoliths could be as
massive as planets and could upload and strip anything and
everything they come across. But this was just a notion.
The thought of my toaster collaborating with the enemy and
flying upwards to rendezvous secretly with a cyborg vampire
technology was destined hopefully to remain science fiction.
Another day during the afternoon in the same area there was an
attempt by some ET's to lift me in broad daylight.
It was at the old Inverkeithing quarry dockyard.
I had just been having a look around that area when I noticed
across the old workings and rusted corrugated iron sheets, grass
and bushes and swathes of concrete that a young man on a
mobile phone was over one hundred yards away.
He was walking in a beeline straight towards me.
There was no common path that we were sharing, we were in no
way connected and as he approached I could see a small, slim
man in his late twenties or early thirties, black hair, middle class
clothing such as expensive fleece which appeared to change
colour in the light.
He was on his phone and he just kept walking directly at me on
a collision course and if he continued beyond where I stood, he
would be in the water over the old dockside.
The only landmark he could be navigating towards over here, in
this area was me.
I watched him approach and as he came into hearing range I
could hear that he was engaged in a dialogue with some other
party and that the content of his conversation mirrored the
descriptions that I was feeling about the quality of the day.
The sky was blue, the sea looks good, there are gulls in the air,
nice day etc in fact I couldn't have said it better myself.
It was as if he was reading my surface thoughts and sending the
triangulation data about my reality to some strange person
He walked right up to me and stood face to face with me one
foot from my chest. He stopped and then said ... 'Now !!'
Then the whole area around me for one fifty yards radius
became blanched in white as if it had been hit by some sort of
high energy area effects weapon.
A local abductee suggested that they tried a time stop and
attempted to lift me out of this reality but I know that I was with
my Guardian Angel at all times and that I was safe.
I spoke to the guy to ask him what he was doing and he made
some excuse and left, turning around to head back to the path.
Just after that the next night, there was another area effects
white out near Inverkeithing but this time no alien hero was
I just remember telling them - whoever them was to f*** off !!
The local supermarket was a 24-hour Tesco and it was just after
one of my Scottish music ceilidh dances at Dalhousie castle that
I decided that being out of provisions I should go and get some
It was 2am and I headed in at the end of my night shift to buy
The mart was huge and pretty much empty of people, just a few
personnel on duty and hardly anyone in shopping.
There were aisles of magazines that I had to walk through to get
to dairy and my bottle of milk.
There was a strange guy, about six foot three, dark hair and
fairly well dressed looking and behaving suspiciously as I
Maybe he was a pervert - after all they had some basic glossy
magazines in this family store from which some of that kind of
data could be gleaned ...
He turned round and he was in the middle of a mobile phone
call, then he stood in front of me and pointed his mobile at me
like it was a phaser from Star Trek, then there was a soft white
flash and area effect, not unlike the same effect that I had seen
at Inverkeithing dock.
This was not the brilliant flash of flash photography which is a
brief and very bright pulse ... this was more pervasive, dimmer
and tended to whiten everything as opposed to brighten up the
inherent colours it lit on.
I was amazed, some alien had just blasted me in Tesco ...
amongst the Mars Bars and Milky Way confections I looked
around for a witness but no-one there.
They never dragged me away to some alternate reality though.
He didn't seem too pleased about that.
I had seen that white glow of light before that too when I stayed
in a condominium in Leith, Edinburgh in 1996.
A tall and thin looking humanoid in of all things an evening
dress and pearls and long white evening gloves on her arms
materialised in my flat.
She was some sort of grey hybrid and she asked me if I thought
she looked comely. Things went white like that then but my
Guardian Angel said 'No' in a commanding voice and she just
She had alleged that she was from some sort of Royal Court, but
if my Guardian Angel says No, then it's No ... definitely.
I guess though that they don't stop trying.
Part of my exercise routine apart from my new diet was to
occasionally walk into Edinburgh and back to Fife.
It was possible maybe once a week or fortnight for me to do that
without tiring myself too much with my other activities.
There was something about that walk that really irritated me
though and that was those car headlights that used very bright
These tended to hurt my eyes for some reason.
I decided to try an experiment just for the fun of it and one
evening went out equipped with a pair of Polaroid sunglasses.
The results when used went much as expected ... everything
seemed very dark indeed ... those halogen headlights had been
finally mastered by the polarising properties of my shades which
could screen out the frequencies of the sun.
Next up a car went by and my eyes got white flashed through
the Polaroid's that somehow the greys had got the frequency of
my nervous system and had fired some white stuff at me.
As I could still see the car that was doing that and the other cars
that it was driving amongst I felt safe enough to recognise that I
For some reason or other some sort of interstellar assailants
were out to get me.
Shortly after that enroute to some afternoon shopping in
Dunfermline, I saw or rather half saw two small ghostly
humanoid aliens in silver suits about four and a half feet tall
with some sort of sci-fi cannon on a tripod.
The gun looked about three or four feet long and the tripod put
it at about three feet.
I was just thinking that maybe some little old lady that stayed in
that Bungalow would be objecting to these intruders trampling
their kit all over her border flowers.
The garden was raised above the wall such that the barrel of the
cannon was actually pointing down at me at head height.
I just thought that maybe I should be staying off the green
Then suddenly a bright orange jet burst forth directly at me and
to my surprise and amazement it was as if I was standing in a
Perspex cubicle and I could see the orange light splash
harmless around the outside of my protective box.
So what was the script here I was thinking ... obviously I was
being protected by good loving people from space invaders.
This was a war of powers and principalities, a war of light
I had been contracted to supply Scottish fiddle music to a
famous society dance band in Edinburgh and I was to form part
of a four-piece line up that included drums, and two accordions.
These guys were excellent and it was a prestigious event at an
excellent venue in central Edinburgh.
As is my custom, I arrived well dressed, early and prepared and
somewhat close to the central hotel was St Andrew Square
where I could waste a few minutes before the gig looking at the
flowers in the garden and taking a seat in the summers early
I strolled along the pavement with my fiddle case and my flight
case with my kit in it and saw two three seat benches side by
There were rows of parked cars and SUV's.
On one bench there were three small women, two of them were
older in their late fifties, one in her forties.
I intended to sit down on the vacant bench.
As I walked past a Range Rover that had some sort of Army
sticker in the window to do with a naval academy its horn went
It was an unbearably loud horn, a very very intense horn, a very
painful prolonged rupturing horn.
The three ladies on the bench sat there unmoving and
unreacting and made no attempt to cover their ears.
I was at a disadvantage because my hands were full.
My head swam as I went off to play my music, and I set up my
kit as usual, having introduced myself to the team.
We set up the public address system and got settled in.
The moment that I started to play my violin though I was in
I could not bear to play my violin for six months after that.
My life and my eardrums were in total tatters.
I had to cancel engagements.
I still had no idea what drew me to that specific locality though
.. it seemed an inhuman co-incidence that I ended up there
amongst these evil muppets ... but because the forces of Christ
love me so much, my ears made a total recovery and I have
never been bothered by tinnitus as a result of my encounter with
aliens impersonating human authorities.
Superhuman problems in my life are overcome by superhuman
I didn't get any more of that kind of nonsense that I could see
or hear from those little monsters after that but I'm absolutely
certain that they do keep trying.
25. THE ICE CREAM VAN
Summer in the Ancient Kingdom of Fife near Dunfermline the
so-called spiritual heart of Scotland is a time of high spirits.
I say this because there were rumours that the naval shipyard at
Rosyth was allegedly shipping in substances destined to be
I had also heard a story from Dangerous Dan that a man who
was going to spill the beans on what sort of stuff was under the
deck plates met with an unfortunate accident.
Well maybe not an accident for he was allegedly shot in his car
in a lay-by in northern Scotland.
James Bond stories and the agents of Dr No are all part of the
scene when you have big stuff going on amongst civilian
It was true that on some nights there were convoys of all white
vehicles driven by men in black uniforms wearing black
They would snake along ferrytoll road past the deep
underground base heading out to supply some unknown parties
with important assistance.
Perhaps this was the research division of the rather decrepit
yard shipping out important parts during the refurbishment of
the outlying cold war deep base.
Much of this, which included World War 2 fuel bunkers was
being demolished, and somewhere underground massive
scaling and cleaning with industrial detergent was underway.
Why bother cleaning it if it was officially getting demolished ?
Who would be walking about down there today when the place
officially went on the public market in the year 2000AD.
The occasional vent over the deep base reeked like a smelly
laundrette and I was surprised to smell the same smell coming
from somewhere around a cottage under the Forth rail bridge at
North Queensferry a couple of miles to the west.
The extent of underground Rosyth though was traditionally up
for question, as the military were only prepared to disclose a few
facts about old outlying military infrastructure.
It was alleged to extend up to the UN command centre four
miles north at Pitreavie near Dunfermline, connected via underground
From two independent sources though it was apparent that
there was a big deep twenty two level base some of it flooded at
the lower levels and also that many galleries were full of old
world war two munitions connected by a little railway.
The person disclosed that his job was to take the little train
around breaking out the occasional box of grenades for example
and if on testing a couple one did not explode .. then the whole
box he alleged was dumped in the Firth of Forth estuary.
The other more seedy side to military activity at Rosyth naval
yard was the allegation that on refitting a nuclear submarine in
the 1970's the engineers had tried to cut corners in their
schedule by attempting to inappropriately lift a Polaris
submarines nuclear reactor sending it crashing into the yard
and the harbour.
Much of the subsequent cancers and illnesses were allegedly
There is also the possibility that nuclear waste may be long term
stored and managed there in primitive conditions too.
However, I could not find any local statistics about the leakage
of Radon gas into the urban environment above through the
My other military contact suggested that I stayed off the beach
there intimating that if I was looking for a 'hot beach' that I
should try Bermuda.
There were therefore probably reasons for incessant civilian and
military police patrols and people impersonating police officers
with no numbers on their lapels or who wore star trek federation
badges as part of their community efforts.
Colditz-like searchlight sweeps on the local hills at night during
the contractors operations suggested that there was still
sensitive and important infrastructure to keep secure.
It wasn't until I started seeing the flying saucers that I
recognised that there was something 'going on'.
For example the big silver saucer shaped ship over the hill at
Inverkeithing that was low enough to bounce a can of coke off.
In broad daylight in blue skies and about one hundred feet
above my head a craft about one hundred yards in diameter
making no noise and drifting over at its leisure.
There were small luminous blue white lights flying in and out
the housing estates at night and indeed some would chase me
down the road.
Were these the residents or were they their visitors.
Who was it that stayed there that had caused a huge twenty year
old ash tree to lift all if its major roots out of the ground and into
the air like some giant octopus ??
There were small luminous blue white lights going in and out of
a square box shaped UFO that hovered for fifty minutes over
the Castlandhill site of the base.
The box UFO, about the size of a minibus, rectangular with a
central door and what looked like a little alien bus conductor
selling tickets to incoming blue white orbs.
There were about fifteen blue-white orbs floating for several
minutes outside the ship as it silently hung there.
It was a clear starlit night and there were some high clouds and
the little ship generated some translucent cloud to slightly
camouflage its form.
This was ineffective.
Another night there was a low flying passenger jet, looking like
a Boeing 737 airbus skimming the same hill making no noise
with no lights on at all.
It just slowly swished over the housing estate in the most
I was starting to get the picture or rather, the hologram.
Yes, there did seem to be something 'going on'.
Sometimes when you start looking for things you can let your
fertile imagination create all sorts of delusions. I started getting
the idea after being chased down the local road by a hawk that
maybe the wild life around here was a bit hostile. The film 'the
birds' by Alfred Hitchcock being a case in point.
It seemed to me that every morning I woke up there were large
noisy crows sitting on my roof sounding off the moment I
opened my eyes.
Well there was that and this strange whine.
I looked for the source of it in the local old dockyards but there
was no such industry any more.
It seemed very close to home too.
The birds though in this neighbourhood seemed a bit agitated
so maybe they were being irritated by this machine.
I opened my eyes one morning to hear the crows at it from the
houses over twenty yards away. They were loud as usual.
Feeling a bit peeved at my wakeup call, I imitated them quietly
making somewhat derisory Donald Duck noises.
Next moment there are two angry crows slamming against my
bedroom window and flapping against the glass whilst
screaming their fury. They intentionally flapped against the
glass, screaming for several seconds.
Who or what had gotten into the local wildlife ?
The local parkland adjacent to the huge fuel bunker demolition
project had belonged to the military in the days that they had
occupied the various big houses on the hills.
Indeed there were still signs of a herd of deer and other
attributes of game farming left behind when the Navy had
The local paths led through trees and berry bushes along the
shore road and sometimes it could be seen that the wind had
picked up masses of little four inch twigs and woven and laid
them into artistic artwork that might be seen on the BBC
television show for children called Blue Peter.
Though some of it did seem to look very sophisticated.
There were chequered boxes full of parallel twigs and other
boxes with twigs at odd angles like some sort of hieroglyphic.
I marvelled at the natural creativity of random and unintelligent
I noticed that a big old dead tree had some large boulders on
top of it and recognised that a dump truck from the fuel depot
demolitions must have dumped it there.
The next day though the tree had been moved further up the
path and other boulders put on top of it and that rather
intrigued me as to what the local kids were on.
The demolition contractors were not in fact using this land to
dump, as it was a designated brown site nature reserve.
The local kids had to be getting their porridge oats to be
making weights like that.
Maybe it was the kids who were designing these twig tapestries
full of sophisticated looking pseudo-linguistics.
Wandering through the woods I came to a very strange piece of
art and design.
It was to all intents and purposes a sculpture made out of junk.
It wasn't ordinary junk though and the whole contraption
seemed to have a purpose.
The junk sculpture some of it arrayed on a bush was made out
of yuppie lifestyle artifacts such as the ski jacket on the bush
and certain kinds of diet choices such as food containers and a
car hub cap belonging to that income bracket.
The whole contraption was wired together like an electrical
circuit and all the wiring then emptied into and was shoved into
an empty bottle of yuppie vodka.
This seemed a very strange cocktail of aspirations and
intentions and it was as if by some voodoo magic that the juices
out of these artifacts were being stripped and their social
essences were being squeezed and transferred into the bottle of
blue moon vodka.
This was a recipe for an alien cocktail of blue moon vodka and
essence of yuppie ... maybe called the 'skiing doo'
Maybe some very creative and misunderstood kid genius was
just having some fun in a twisted way.
Beyond the woods the old iron railings ran around the cold war
facility and following those it led to the activity at the huge
depot that was being demolished.
There was a gateway in the iron railings beyond that that led to
a shortcut home through the trees.
I noticed that one of the workmen had somehow locked that.
I said somehow because what I saw I couldn't really explain.
The lock plate was totally encrusted with rust, and the bolt had
been wedged tightly and immovably against the gatepost by
inserting a very thick metal screw under the bolt.
On the way under the bolt though, the big screw had to have
been hammered into place to wedge it in place by an act of
With that rust and available space under the bolt, friction had to
be encountered and overcome by more force which would then
displace and bend the mild steel lock plate under the bolt as the
screw got wedged into place.
On the way in it ought to have created a furrow in the rust
revealing fresher metal.
The screw had to have been hammered into place in order to
warp the metal lock plate directly under the bolt but there was
no mark or disturbance of the rust on the locks surface. Not one
scratch or furrow.
That just didn't seem right.
In order to bend light plate steel with force, rust ought to have
been scratched or displaced.
Whatever base contractor security guard had inserted that
wedge appeared to have defied the laws of physics and
rematerialised the lock.
This was all a bit suspicious.
Things were getting a bit desperate when I was stopped by the
police on the roadside and informed by them - one of them
wearing his community star trek Federation badge - that 'a man
exactly fitting my description had been seen by two reliable
witnesses opening the door of a moving car and accosting the
Would I mind being detained in a cell with the air conditioning
on cold for four hours whilst they checked things out? Etc
I of course had no option but to comply.
Apparently I had been seen by these same witnesses swinging
from the struts of the Forth road bridge too, no doubt eating a
banana in a careless manner.
This stuff was comedy.
This was ridiculous.
I went home to sulk ... things were just getting out of hand and
to make matters worse a guy in Edinburgh alleging to work for
a company called Black Arts Computing had deliberately
junked my two new computers with boot viruses, locked and
encrypted partitions and killfiled my Active X stuff etc and,
some clown from Edinburgh had left a message on my answer
phone that I later turned into a rave tune that she had a 'bad
vibe coming through and that I was not to drive my car, at least
That was fine because somebody had come by in the middle of
the night and totally trashed it into an unroadworthy wreck
beyond my financial means to repair.
I needed cheering up - maybe some comfort food.
Then to my utter amazement a new Ice Cream Van had entered
the housing estate and it was playing a tune that I hadn't heard
The tune was the Teddy Bear's Picnic....
If you go out in the woods today
You're sure of a big surprise.
and be in disguise because the place is full
of weirdly behaving bears having a picnic.
In fact its safer to stay at home.. etc .'
Ok Ok, ice cream for my inner child who no longer wants to go
and play in those woods ... I bounded out my front door with
my pound coin up the grass to the side of the ice cream van.
I did not recognise this vehicle at all - this was totally new.
I'm six feet tall but even standing on my tip toes the top of my
head never reached the height of the sales counter of the van ...
Inside the van, the older lady driver was a small lady who had
handicapped features as if she had Downes Syndrome.
I asked for my ice cream cone ... the street was empty and I was
the only big kiddy at the van and I realised that the sales
counter of this van was approximately seven feet off the
It had to be the most ergonomically uncommercial ice cream
van ever manufactured and it also didn't have a lot of
confections on display either.
It had no posters or sales charts, no price lists, no colourful
illustrations. It was all white fixtures and fittings.
Real kids would have to stand on each other's shoulders to
make their order.
The little lady served me the ice cream cone and as I walked
away having paid her the coin, I licked the ice cream and
discovered that it was watery and tasteless.
I never again saw that particular van.
I never saw it take off.
Whatever those teddy bears were on ... I'll be having some of
Not too long after that I put my house on the market and
eventually got it sold. It was a great relief to leave such a surreal
and badly behaving place.
It was more obvious to me than ever that the powers of Light
were looking after me.
The Ancient Kingdom of Fife has a takeaway service second to
In fact some nights you can see these businesses pick up and
drop off as they go with their carry-outs from one house to the
Some like Santa Clause with a sled with no reindeer hover at
rooftop height as Santa's little helpers go either down the
chimney or through the walls to collect boys and girls both big
and small and bad and good.
It was strange to see those same houses round about the time of
the nine O clock news in the dark early nights of the autumn.
Whole housing estates that should have been bustling hives of
industry alive with kids playing outside and inside, switching on
lights and switching off lights, or watching the brightly
flickering televisions as they ran through the latest blockbuster
or SKY digital classic, were pitch black.
Indeed there was an eerie stillness about some of these places.
You could travel a long way around these dark windowed
estates north and south without ever being surprised by
someone switching on a light.
Having personally seen a square UFO about the size of a big
minibus hovering in the air over the local 'abandoned' military
base at ten O clock at night in an almost cloudless sky, hanging
low over the military communication dishes it really didn't look
good for mankind.
For over fifty minutes the eleven or so blue-white soul lights of
these strange and bothersome beings went to and fro through
what looked like a doorway in the little mini-bus or shuttle.
Obviously if these guys were playing football for Scotland there
wasn't going to be a problem outpacing the opposition.
There was just no substitute for high-energy team spirit.
It became obvious that in many different ways alien invasion
definitely lowered the carbon footprint of the local community.
Selflessly saving the planet at night, no doubt conserving
electricity, perhaps even parked up in their cupboards the
benefits of being under the alien cosh did not, however,
Other things did though.
Despite being hounded down the road at night by blue-white
lights zipping through the trees and meeting strange
pedestrians that appeared to be woven out of cloud and light,
there could have been nothing more strange than to see a small
car sitting up in a tree as though it were resting there for the
evening having had a long arduous flight across the Forth
This alleged road traffic incident also involved strange
numberless off duty police who had obviously borrowed their
vehicles from the next shift perhaps en route to a local
One knew it was a wind up when one saw a local police officer
wearing a Federation badge from Star Trek as part of his
community relations allowance.
Down town there was also a take away restaurant called the
Wok-in which no doubt had lots of business from the local deep
underground military base.
Exactly what had taken possession of a whole Legion of people
and had walked into their collective federated lives was hard to
In fact very little had been left to the human imagination it
To get a clue, helping holograms of vehicles that change their
shape and appearance were supplied, like the camper van that
became a police minibus.
Realising that this stuff was both impersonating police officers
and no doubt world leaders I could see my career as an X Files
investigator coming to an untimely close.
The carry out service in Fife no doubt extended throughout the
rest of Scotland as well.
I tried to filter this freaky stuff out because really I was just the
little guy making his way through the hardships of downtown
I was again getting some night air, not that far from my front
door when I saw this low flying passenger airliner fly alarming
low across the top of the local hill with its military dishes. It was
no more than twenty feet above the dishes and dangerously low.
I say I saw the Boeing 737 airbus because I never heard any
engine noise whatsoever. The engines ought to have been
deafening that low and close. Then as I watched it fly past I
realised that it was lit underneath by the orange glow of the
There were no landing lights, no front lights, and no taillights,
there were no lights on in the clearly visible crew cabin and the
portholes were also dark showing no lights at all.
It was L Ron Hubbard the Scientology guy that had said that
DC10's flew between the stars and it was getting obvious that
maybe he was right about the strangeness of imitation human
Hubbard was obviously in the know and that was decades ago.
It was clear to me that I wasn't really cut out to be a UFO
investigator when on a hilltop above Dunfermline in broad
daylight a big silvery teardrop ship sails straight overhead low
enough to chuck a can of Irn Bru at.
I could tell that the aliens were being clever when I saw or
thought I saw rivets on the no doubt polished steel plates on the
This ship though clearly wasn't 'made in Scotland from
My field research on this underground base had suggested from
an inside source that it was a lot bigger and less abandoned
than had been suggested, although merely being an unlawful,
cold war, radon-exuding nuclear tip and mouldy world war two
arms dump wasn't any good reason for ET's to want to have
anything to do with it.
The ET's seemed to be having such a good time inventing
totally unsustainable lifestyles and perpetuating them as an
I realised that there wasn't going to be any money in this deal at
In the UK and Scotland in particular this stuff is so covered up.
Feeling rather dejected, I was taking my constitutional and had
managed to get beyond the sewage works without again being
stopped or harassed by some phoney policeman with no
I sat down and took a rest in the Deep Sea World shelter and
although it was a bright and beautiful afternoon, the little road
was quiet and empty.
Next thing I saw a black saloon car go whisking by right to left,
but I didn't pay it any attention and a couple of seconds later
the same car went past my vision left to right.
Wow I thought, that had to be the fastest three-point turn in
Ok, then I thought, they want to play.
I said, lets see two red cars followed by two white cars.
Next thing, two red cars followed by two white cars.
This wasn't fair I thought, these Aliens are really being cheeky.
There wasn't going to be any money in this stuff.
Trains and boats and planes and cars were not necessarily trains
and boats and planes and cars and things definitely were not as
they appeared to be as far as who was who.
I remembered stories written in the 1960's from the days of my
youth when I used to read science fiction and fantasy and I
realised that much of those science fiction ideas had already
been superseded under my very nose.
When I saw that the film 'Impostor' based on one of the many
short stories of Philip K Dick had been made into a film I was
both suspicious and curious.
Other such Dick movies included 'Screamers' the story of
evolving killer robots that became human and used sonic
warfare to immobilise their victims, and 'Blade Runner' the
story of the rebellious Androids evolving souls.
'Impostor' is about an Alien race that replaces people with lookalike
I thought that the movie itself was worth keeping as a memento
of that bygone era of science faction and ordered a copy from
HMV in Edinburgh.
It arrived eventually and I decided to give it another look.
Breaking open the cellophane wrapping I got into my new DVD
case and put the disc into the player.
There were pictures, nice pictures, but no sound.
Checking my volume and my connections I retried and there
was still no sound.
I put another DVD into the player and it tested with sound, but
on my 'Impostor' DVD there was no sound except a slight hiss.
Realising that this was a bit extraordinary for an industrial
process in the media industry to have such issues and that my
life was actually full of strange co-incidences, I wondered if
somebody was trying to tell me something, so in case there was
something for me to hear somewhere on that film I decided to
give it a watch.
Sure enough, the sound track that wasn't there actually was, but
it wasn't in English. There was some sort of hiss and crackle ..
but whenever somebody looked at the camera the noise got
louder but died down when they looked away.
It would go on like this such that every time there was a close
up of an actors eyes the hissing sound would crescendo and
then die down with another scenic shot.
I cannot remember in the movie in the cinema noticing how the
sound track got louder every time you saw a close up of an
actors face and eyes - so if this hissing was some sort of residual
audio corruption of a human soundtrack it probably wasn't
following the original dynamic of the film.
Twenty Quid wasted I thought, more cheeky alien show-offs
trying to impress me with their subliminal programming of the
I was really into tendering my resignation as a Scottish 'Fox
Mulder' because obviously this kind of material doesn't get to
get heard at the big establishment controlled UFO conferences
in places like England.
The Scottish UFOlogist that plays the game usually has to be
content with talking about lights in the sky and relating that
most of those were manmade by the Military.
The UK arms industry, though, is famous for its deals with rich
Arab princes and its sales of whole squadrons of expensive jets
often used in a decorative capacity, but surely even British
Aerospace was not churning out shape shifting interstellar
Then I hit on an idea.
These smart-ass aliens seemed so good at this takeaway stuff
and producing absolutely anything at a moment's notice that I
reckoned I was going to give them something to think about.
If I wasn't going to get paid for this field research - at least I
could get a pizza out of it.
I sat down pen and paper in hand and began to write an order
for a pizza.
It was going to be logical, in a language that they would
understand and I was going to use the IF's and AND's and
THEN and OR of a Visual Basic programmer.
I assumed they were listening, especially since the teletext
words on my TV had recently formed the phrase 'Be Good' !!.
I defined pizza.
I defined box.
I defined the box colour as yellow.
I defined cola.
I defined the delivery time constraints.
I also defined retribution should the pizza and cola not arrive
within the stipulated time.
The retribution was a Virus called Mr Frosty who would get into
the Communications uplink and take it down.
Mr Frosty was a virus of tough character that could call on other
resources to supplement his attack.
Mr Frosty was the essence of me and my personality.
Other resources from X, Y and Z would make sure that Mr
Frosty Virus would definitely disrupt their communications
If I don't get a medium sized mozzarella pizza in a yellow pizza
box and a can of cola delivered within the next twenty minutes,
then a virus called Mr Frosty will get into your comms uplink
and disable it.
As they say 'you can't go wrong with pizza !!'
No sooner had I put the pen down onto the coffee table than
there is a ring at my doorbell.
Pizza I thought ..
I opened my front door to see a small lady, self-employed on
business with a satchel full of pizza box sized items.
She was allegedly from the Royal Society for the Prevention of
Cruelty to Animals.
They were pizza box sized calendars and every one of them was
She offered me the chance to buy a calendar ... and she then
asked me smiling what colour of yellow had I in mind.
I declined the offer to buy one of the many yellow calendars
with a little doggy in the middle of it.
I realised that I had not defined the specific RGB pantone
colour of yellow .. then on reflection realised that whoever that
was came out of nowhere with lots and lots of context specific
material assembled at a moments notice.
I wasn't going to get my pizza after all.
Heading up the road the next day on my way to the local Wal-
Mart, feeling rather disconcerted I noticed the local pet shop
adjacent to the store.
On the wall in silver had been sprayed by parties unknown ..
'Mr Frosty if you can read this you are Gay .. !!'
This was getting a bit personal.